"Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong"
Wow! What powerful lyrics! The opening words to the song "Where I Belong" by Building 429. This song has become one of mine and Courtney's favorite songs. Every time I hear it on the radio I have to turn the volume up and praise God. It's such a blessing to hear my baby's voice singing the words from the back seat. These words have been running through my head these last few days. "All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong, TAKE THIS WORLD AND GIVE ME JESUS, this is NOT WHERE I BELONG". I just want to shout it from the rooftops! I don't need or want anything of this world, Lord. Take this world and give me Jesus...I'll glady trade dung for gold!
"When the earth shakes
I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade
I wanna be found in You"
My wonderful brother in Christ, Pastor Tony, has preached many times on groaning, longing to be home with the Lord. I used to think that I wanted the Lord to delay his coming so I could accomplish what I wanted to in life. My wants needed to come first in my selfish mind and heart. Tony said something during one of his sermons one Sunday that totally changed my heart. I will paraphrase but he basically said that as Christians, our hearts should GROAN and LONG to be in the presence of Jesus. If we are not groaning or longing for His return, have we hardend our hearts towards Him? To not groan or long for His return is like telling your spouse (or significant other) that they are no longer "good enough" for you...they are no longer your true love and you are going to look else where for fullfillment.
Wow! Now that stomped on my toes. Okay, okay! Uncle! I give up! You're right, I'm wrong, Lord. I'm sorry; please forgive me. I had to ask forgiveness from the Lord after hearing those words because I knew they were meant for my ears to hear. I knew I was wrong in what my heart desired up until that point. Now with that realization, the enemy knew he had to get to work...he was losing ground on a major issue. Lies and deception still creep into my mind at times and I have to rebuke them, ignore them, not give them any ground in my life. I refuse to go back to that selfish point in my life where my wants came before my desire for the return of the one true King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Where will you be when the earth shakes? Where will you be with the lights fade? Will you be found in Jesus or will you be found hiding in a corner hoping He doesn't see you? I know where I will be. I will be found in Him and I thank the Lord everyday for looking past my selfishness and ugliness and loving me anyway.